On work...

The following is a conversation between me and my first patient of the day:

Let me set a scene first...patient body habitus 5'7", 375 lbs...I am scanning his low back area. BLURG!! He can't walk normally because of the degeneration in his knees, so he is using a wheelchair and wants to be put in the elevator. Oh and on his screening sheet; when asked if there was any personal history of cancer he wrote"Not Yet".

Me: Okay, so you are having low back pain?

P: I was involved in an automobile wreck, I was broad sided, my truck flipped three times, landed on the roof on top of another vehicle.

Me: Okay, so you are having low back pain?

P: Forgive me if I'm not warm and fuzzy, but while I was having shoulder surgery 2 YEARS ago, I had a heart attack and the hospital forgot to inform me until 2 weeks later that they did an emergency triple by-pass.
(This is where I want to punch him and say, #1 It was TWO years ago. #2 They saved you life, you ungrateful SOB)

Now I am clipping a coil around his torso.

P: So this is the magnet huh?

Me: No it like a big antenna

P:Cutting me off...Yeah I know, about 20 years ago I installed the air conditioning unit for 2 magnets in Princeton.

Me: Oh yeah, so you know all about it huh?

P: When I was working in the room, the engineer was running a test and I was wearing suspenders and it burned two holes right through my T-shirt.

Me: So you are having low back pain?

P: You are going to have to help me up when this is all done.

Me: (Snickering) to myself in my head, You are going to have to help yourself up, because there is no way in hell my little 105 lb self is going to be able to lift you. Okay okay, I weigh slightly more than that, but I certainly am not going to hurt my back, helping someone who still has not even answered my one simple question.

PS: If any MRI techs are reading this, please comment on the suspender thing, because honestly I don't believe him. I don't think that would happen unless he was in, maybe a 3T magnet, maybe. Right?